As you may or may not know, on the twenty and fourth day of this next month, being the well named October, I shall embark upon a journey. A journey of several hundred miles to the exotic land of Provo, Utah where I shall report to the Missionary Training Center located in said city. At this time, having beforehand been set apart as a full-time missionary for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, I will commence a life of studying. This studying will be of the principles of the gospel of Jesus Christ, and of the Spanish language, for the ultimate purpose of teaching and proselyting such to the people of the Republic of Chile. To share God's word and the love He has for His children.
Thereby, we approach the end. In less than thirty days my life will change from being mine to being my Father's. Maybe that distinction is something I should already have, but alas it is not. As this mark draws ever nearer, I find myself reflecting increasingly on my life to date. Some pieces I find disappointing, others still fill me with excitement, a few are not yet understood or never may be, and mostly I just can't remember what has happened in my life. There is a large amount of blank space in my memory. I can't decide whether that's a good thing or not. Regardless, I have lived for more than 164,200 hours and I expect to live several times that more. I'll give you that a third of this will be spent sleeping, but I have a question for myself and for you to ask yourself, as well. Is this worth my time? I've danced around this concept often for the past few years, but never have I literally voiced it. Yet now, I find it extremely satisfying. I'm rather fond of this phrase already.
Too much of this world is completely and utterly pointless. The activity I am surrounded by each and every day, quite often serves such minuscule function if not absolutely no purpose. Yes, I do understand that we are all a part of this world and also that we cannot just pick up and be self-sufficient very easily, but I do believe that we can minimize a large portion of wasted effort. I am not saying that leisure and social activity is not necessary either, as a good sibling of mine was so kind to point out by assuming that is what I meant by my words. Rest and relaxation is just as vital as work and intensity. We do need balance. However, I am saying that I think our scale is maybe quite notably skewed towards silliness and aimless exertion or rather, nonexertion. By spending some quality time with my new favorite question, 'Is this worth my time?', I have felt my own scale begin to right itself. And a pleasurable and satisfying feeling it is.
So I leave with you a testimony. My friends, we have a loving God. A kind and caring Heavenly Father who knows each of us personally, who knows our thoughts, ambitions, fears and desires. He KNOWS us, better than we know ourselves, and only wants the greatest of all for us. As if that wasn't incredible enough on its own, another stood for us. Another stepped into our shoes. Our brother Jesus Christ perfected His life with no thought but for us, braved our sins, felt our sicknesses, embraced our fears, our worries, walked our dark and lonely paths, received our every pain, and failed not to carry us each step of our lives. Even giving His life, our Savior rose to raise every child of God with Him. They live, my friends. They are beside me and you if only we ask. Of these truths I bear witness, in the name of my Lord and Beloved, Jesus Christ. Amen.
Monday, January 30, 2012
I can still live it now in my mind, that first moment I saw you, laughing with your friends. I stepped past the corner and there you were, standing there glowing in the late summer sun in front of the orchestra room. You tossed back your head, the dark tresses flying, then tumbling back down in graceful order, while the marvelous sound of joy escaped your lips. I nearly stumbled as a result of my inner throes, for I had not kindled such a glorious ember of pure happiness, and how could I ever hope to, considering a person such as I and one such as you. All I could ever wish is to be the one to make you laugh again. I dragged myself into the choir room, my gaze never leaving your angelic features, heightened by the sun dancing upon your face as you flew high above upon your wings of perfect felicity. And the eyes. I could drown in those eyes and never even think of air. Fathomless. Open to the soul. Reflecting pristine delight. Childlike. Yet holding one secret. Pain. Abandonment. Betrayal. How then I yearned, for a chance to carry it for you. To let you live without such a burden.