Saturday, August 9, 2014

A New Day

The next day of these thousand years shall begin here:
Slay the Brink

Tuesday, September 25, 2012

The End of the Beginning

As you may or may not know, on the twenty and fourth day of this next month, being the well named October, I shall embark upon a journey. A journey of several hundred miles to the exotic land of Provo, Utah where I shall report to the Missionary Training Center located in said city. At this time, having beforehand been set apart as a full-time missionary for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, I will commence a life of studying. This studying will be of the principles of the gospel of Jesus Christ, and of the Spanish language, for the ultimate purpose of teaching and proselyting such to the people of the Republic of Chile. To share God's word and the love He has for His children.
Thereby, we approach the end. In less than thirty days my life will change from being mine to being my Father's. Maybe that distinction is something I should already have, but alas it is not. As this mark draws ever nearer, I find myself reflecting increasingly on my life to date. Some pieces I find disappointing, others still fill me with excitement, a few are not yet understood or never may be, and mostly I just can't remember what has happened in my life. There is a large amount of blank space in my memory. I can't decide whether that's a good thing or not. Regardless, I have lived for more than 164,200 hours and I expect to live several times that more. I'll give you that a third of this will be spent sleeping, but I have a question for myself and for you to ask yourself, as well. Is this worth my time? I've danced around this concept often for the past few years, but never have I literally voiced it. Yet now, I find it extremely satisfying. I'm rather fond of this phrase already.
Too much of this world is completely and utterly pointless. The activity I am surrounded by each and every day, quite often serves such minuscule function if not absolutely no purpose. Yes, I do understand that we are all a part of this world and also that we cannot just pick up and be self-sufficient very easily, but I do believe that we can minimize a large portion of wasted effort. I am not saying that leisure and social activity is not necessary either, as a good sibling of mine was so kind to point out by assuming that is what I meant by my words. Rest and relaxation is just as vital as work and intensity. We do need balance. However, I am saying that I think our scale is maybe quite notably skewed towards silliness and aimless exertion or rather, nonexertion. By spending some quality time with my new favorite question, 'Is this worth my time?', I have felt my own scale begin to right itself. And a pleasurable and satisfying feeling it is.
So I leave with you a testimony. My friends, we have a loving God. A kind and caring Heavenly Father who knows each of us personally, who knows our thoughts, ambitions, fears and desires. He KNOWS us, better than we know ourselves, and only wants the greatest of all for us. As if that wasn't incredible enough on its own, another stood for us. Another stepped into our shoes. Our brother Jesus Christ perfected His life with no thought but for us, braved our sins, felt our sicknesses, embraced our fears, our worries, walked our dark and lonely paths, received our every pain, and failed not to carry us each step of our lives. Even giving His life, our Savior rose to raise every child of God with Him. They live, my friends. They are beside me and you if only we ask. Of these truths I bear witness, in the name of my Lord and Beloved, Jesus Christ. Amen.

Monday, January 30, 2012

The First Moment

I can still live it now in my mind, that first moment I saw you, laughing with your friends. I stepped past the corner and there you were, standing there glowing in the late summer sun in front of the orchestra room. You tossed back your head, the dark tresses flying, then tumbling back down in graceful order, while the marvelous sound of joy escaped your lips. I nearly stumbled as a result of my inner throes, for I had not kindled such a glorious ember of pure happiness, and how could I ever hope to, considering a person such as I and one such as you. All I could ever wish is to be the one to make you laugh again. I dragged myself into the choir room, my gaze never leaving your angelic features, heightened by the sun dancing upon your face as you flew high above upon your wings of perfect felicity. And the eyes. I could drown in those eyes and never even think of air. Fathomless. Open to the soul. Reflecting pristine delight. Childlike. Yet holding one secret. Pain. Abandonment. Betrayal. How then I yearned, for a chance to carry it for you. To let you live without such a burden.

Monday, October 3, 2011


Until I graduated from high school, generally my life was laid out neatly in front of me. Sure, I chose what to do with my free time, be it sports, music, studying and the like, but the major decisions were all but decided for me. I moseyed my way through school, learned what they wanted me to and an amount many times that by myself (....oh public school....),  pursued my interests, and had the time of my life every day.  Then it happened. I graduated. Whoop-dee-doo.
Literally, it was nothing. The requirements are ridiculously simplistic. There is so little that we are expected to learn. I've come to realize that I could have gotten my GED before ninth grade and if I had been challenged even lightly to do more during my childhood (instead of the opposite of that which I did receive), I likely could have gotten it before 6th grade or even earlier if I was pushed. (The above contains the major reasons why my children will be homeschooled or have private tutors.)  So much emphasis is placed on that little piece of paper. The world cannot possibly move this slow. And yet it does. :\ Moving on, literally graduation was nothing. Symbolically, it signified complete freedom. The world is mine. I really can do ANYTHING that I care to pursue.
It's this incredible lack of direction from any source that leaves me floundering. Without a love of music and the fact that I KNOW that I have to make music (a passion uncovered mainly due to one Mr. Jeff Harris) I may have curled up and died from overstimulation.... Hahaha. As it were, I just spent most of this past summer curled up around my piano.... :) Nothing has really changed since then except for my perspective. I seek what gives me joy. I let that joy fill me, my life, and hopefully those around me. I have my eyes on what I want and I imagine that I have it. That keeps me going no matter what. I don't let myself doubt, but rather just keep a smile on my face. It's lovely. :D Eventually I'll get there. But, it doesn't matter how long it takes because I thouroughly enjoy every single step of the journey.

Saturday, September 3, 2011


Questions for you. What is time exactly? Does time truly exist? Does the marking of a physical passing of the sun really signify a passing of this concept named time? Or rather, is it just a change in energy manifest in the rotation of our solar system and planet respectively. You may say then, if there is no time, how is there a past and a future? What if a memory is not a distance in time into the past, but rather a point of progression of you. Our perception of time is a societal impression. What do we have that shows us or even describes time? We have memories. Memories of our own and descriptions from others. I propose that rather than a journey through this concept of time, what we really have is an expansion of energy of everything and a progression(also an expansion of energy) of people; consciousnesses, spirits, minds, whatever is the actuality of a person. We know that without expansion we have decay. If this applies to the universe, and as we are a part of it, why not to ourselves? Moving on (I notice I don't dwell very long on a single concept :\ Oh well.). So, we can perceive the present. What is the past and what is the future? What is the past to me are these memories, but what are they? It is a remembrance of what we have done and how we used to be, but does that mean there has been a passing of time? Or rather a progression or development of something or someone? Fun stuff. ;)