The End of the Beginning

As you may or may not know, on the twenty and fourth day of this next month, being the well named October, I shall embark upon a journey. A journey of several hundred miles to the exotic land of Provo, Utah where I shall report to the Missionary Training Center located in said city. At this time, having beforehand been set apart as a full-time missionary for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, I will commence a life of studying. This studying will be of the principles of the gospel of Jesus Christ, and of the Spanish language, for the ultimate purpose of teaching and proselyting such to the people of the Republic of Chile. To share God's word and the love He has for His children.
Thereby, we approach the end. In less than thirty days my life will change from being mine to being my Father's. Maybe that distinction is something I should already have, but alas it is not. As this mark draws ever nearer, I find myself reflecting increasingly on my life to date. Some pieces I find disappointing, others still fill me with excitement, a few are not yet understood or never may be, and mostly I just can't remember what has happened in my life. There is a large amount of blank space in my memory. I can't decide whether that's a good thing or not. Regardless, I have lived for more than 164,200 hours and I expect to live several times that more. I'll give you that a third of this will be spent sleeping, but I have a question for myself and for you to ask yourself, as well. Is this worth my time? I've danced around this concept often for the past few years, but never have I literally voiced it. Yet now, I find it extremely satisfying. I'm rather fond of this phrase already.
Too much of this world is completely and utterly pointless. The activity I am surrounded by each and every day, quite often serves such minuscule function if not absolutely no purpose. Yes, I do understand that we are all a part of this world and also that we cannot just pick up and be self-sufficient very easily, but I do believe that we can minimize a large portion of wasted effort. I am not saying that leisure and social activity is not necessary either, as a good sibling of mine was so kind to point out by assuming that is what I meant by my words. Rest and relaxation is just as vital as work and intensity. We do need balance. However, I am saying that I think our scale is maybe quite notably skewed towards silliness and aimless exertion or rather, nonexertion. By spending some quality time with my new favorite question, 'Is this worth my time?', I have felt my own scale begin to right itself. And a pleasurable and satisfying feeling it is.
So I leave with you a testimony. My friends, we have a loving God. A kind and caring Heavenly Father who knows each of us personally, who knows our thoughts, ambitions, fears and desires. He KNOWS us, better than we know ourselves, and only wants the greatest of all for us. As if that wasn't incredible enough on its own, another stood for us. Another stepped into our shoes. Our brother Jesus Christ perfected His life with no thought but for us, braved our sins, felt our sicknesses, embraced our fears, our worries, walked our dark and lonely paths, received our every pain, and failed not to carry us each step of our lives. Even giving His life, our Savior rose to raise every child of God with Him. They live, my friends. They are beside me and you if only we ask. Of these truths I bear witness, in the name of my Lord and Beloved, Jesus Christ. Amen.

Direction

Until I graduated from high school, generally my life was laid out neatly in front of me. Sure, I chose what to do with my free time, be it sports, music, studying and the like, but the major decisions were all but decided for me. I moseyed my way through school, learned what they wanted me to and an amount many times that by myself (....oh public school....),  pursued my interests, and had the time of my life every day.  Then it happened. I graduated. Whoop-dee-doo.
Literally, it was nothing. The requirements are ridiculously simplistic. There is so little that we are expected to learn. I've come to realize that I could have gotten my GED before ninth grade and if I had been challenged even lightly to do more during my childhood (instead of the opposite of that which I did receive), I likely could have gotten it before 6th grade or even earlier if I was pushed. (The above contains the major reasons why my children will be homeschooled or have private tutors.)  So much emphasis is placed on that little piece of paper. The world cannot possibly move this slow. And yet it does. :\ Moving on, literally graduation was nothing. Symbolically, it signified complete freedom. The world is mine. I really can do ANYTHING that I care to pursue.
It's this incredible lack of direction from any source that leaves me floundering. Without a love of music and the fact that I KNOW that I have to make music (a passion uncovered mainly due to one Mr. Jeff Harris) I may have curled up and died from overstimulation.... Hahaha. As it were, I just spent most of this past summer curled up around my piano.... :) Nothing has really changed since then except for my perspective. I seek what gives me joy. I let that joy fill me, my life, and hopefully those around me. I have my eyes on what I want and I imagine that I have it. That keeps me going no matter what. I don't let myself doubt, but rather just keep a smile on my face. It's lovely. :D Eventually I'll get there. But, it doesn't matter how long it takes because I thouroughly enjoy every single step of the journey.

My Silly Notions

I grew up wanting only one thing: to please other people. I would sacrifice anything when I was a child for someone else. I didn't know that was extreme. I didn't know I didn't have to drop everything and instantly comply with every request. I didn't know I could say no. For most of my childhood, I thought everyone was the same as me. Imagine if it was so. What a world we would have.
For some reason, I come to the same conclusion periodically in my life. I have this silly reoccurring notion that everyone is the same as I am. And I expect them to act accordingly. But just as often as I come to this conclusion, my world gets shaken quite heavily when I realize it's not true. And it's painful.
You see, I have never felt that anyone I have ever known is more intelligent than I am. Very few would make the list of equaling or even approaching. The case is very similar concerning talent also. Anything I try, I pick up very quickly and develop at a much greater speed than others. I often wonder why I am gifted with such talent and intelligence, but that hurts if I analyze it too long. I hate to talk about myself because it always makes me feel cocky, even this does; but I really needed to make a shout out somewhere. Even if it was only in this remote little place.
The world frustrates me to no end, as people are so incredibly stupid. I wonder how some of them I see survive. Then, I realize they subsist on government money; that is why our entitlements are enormous. Stupid people guaranteeing votes for a guarantee of a lifestyle. It's a terrible one at that. With the number of registered voters who receive government money nearing 50%, we are basically screwed. We know the greatest factor in voter decisions is the pocket, but here is the manifestation of it. When a majority is just going to vote for the person who promises them the most money, *cough* *cough* Obama *cough* I would call that tyranny of the majority. It's just as ridiculous as voting yourself a paycheck. Oh wait. That's what Congress and a huge chunk of voters are already doing. The best proposal I have heard to counter this is to revoke the right to vote from anyone who receives government aid. It's actually quite brilliant. Continuing, I still cannot understand how someone can think that increasing your spending, and your deficit, and your debt will somehow get rid of debt. No one has ever given me a good answer.
How about we give everyone a printing press and just let them print the money they need? Great idea, right? 60% of people think it is. Absolutely ludicrous. Yet, that is exactly what the government does. Ridiculous.

Born to Run

I have always loved to run. For the past couple years though, I seemed to have lost the love of the run and held only to the love of the effects. Recently, I read the book Born to Run by Christopher McDougall. At the time, I thought it was an interesting read, but it didn't really add anything to my running experience. If you have not read it, I highly recommend you do. It will be at least entertaining if not enlightening. I tried occasionally to rediscover the inner child who understands the art of running, but I lacked consistency and effort. Only when I wanted to run and forget would I make an attempt. So I kept to the world's view; you would think that me of all people would remember the world is not often right. I continued to push myself to train and run harder and faster, when all I needed to do was make it easy and lighten up. I would push myself until I was injuring not only my heart, but also other organs, by sending my heart rate into the upper 200's. Yes, not good.
The point is, to truly run, you have to love running. Tonight, I decided I would just start slow, really slow, and just work myself up to speed until my heart rate sat at a nice 180. As I did this, I remembered the book and decided I might as well work on my running technique too. So, I'm moseying along, and after about 2 miles, I realize I'm running faster than I normally do and my heart rate is still only at about 140. So I jumped my speed by about 45 seconds for the next mile, making that one about a 5 minute mile. When I did this, I realized my breathing stepped it up also. And I thought, "Why doesn't my heart rate stay down? I have spectacular lungs, and I'm in better shape than most people I know." Bam. I knew why. I didn't increase my breathing when I increased my pace. Silly, right? I liked to control it and keep it nice and steady. I have literally been starving myself of oxygen. No wonder my heart rate explodes. Trying to cram whatever air it can find down those tubes. Craziness, right? Heart rate. About 150. I consciously increase my breath rate. And I'm running faster than I did the summer after ninth grade, when I could hit 4:30 for a single mile. Faster. I pump more air and my body seems to lurch forward of its own volition. Beautiful. That 4th mile was about 4 minutes. The 5th and 6th I didn't even time, but I was flying. It was incredible.
A line from the book: Easy. Light. Smooth. I was all of those, just floating over the ground.  Perfect form. That was the best feeling in the world. I was moving fast. Faster than I ever had before. The last 100 meters, I roared to the world my extreme joy. Humans are extraordinary. Which makes God that much more so. The entire time I had this goofy grin on my face. I couldn't help it. Magnificent.

Choice

The ability to choose.

This is the only thing that we truly control. That is all. Nothing else. These few words are the culmination of every scrap of knowledge I possess. Physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually, I know this is true. So many touch on this, but few ever reach it. Millions of books. The entirety of religion. Life itself. All blundering around this: Choice.  Every moment we are choosing. Even to do nothing is a choice. Whether for good or ill consequences, every moment we are choosing.

Not many have grasped this concept fully, but those who do change the world around them. Abraham Lincoln, Martin Luther King Jr., Mohandas Karamchand Gandhi,  Jesus Christ, just to name a few. The list is extensive. Take the founding fathers. "All men are created equal." In what way? Men are unequal in every single way except that each and every one holds the ability to choose. Even before this world began, the difference between Jesus and Lucifer is choice. One would have us choose, the other would not.

Your ability to choose for yourself is absolute. Throughout the ages tyrants, kings, dictators, bosses, overseers and your mother have all attempted to usurp this power, but it always fails. Why? Because you can always choose. This can only be given, not taken.

If we hold complete control over our every choice, and supremacy brings ultimate power, then choices are not only all-important but actually change... everything. The world was created at a word. We hold that same potential. Through commitment, action, choice, we can change ourselves and the world.

Placement Of 'Not'

Sorry, I just caught myself almost doing this in my last post so I had to share. :) Don't be an average person who throws their negatives willy-nilly into their sentences. Take these for example.

If I say:
You are taught to not lie from a young age.              
Taught to not falsify.

This is different than:
You are taught not to lie from a young age.              
Not taught to falsify.

See it? Most people never realize the difference in meaning this makes.

Want to impress me? Speak correct English, or rather, never speak incorrect English. Probably both. ;)
Again, that is another one of those things most people are unaware of.

Is It Really Such A Bad Thing To Be A Great Liar?

Sure, you are taught to not lie from a young age. And yes, society as a whole has a set of morals which include honesty. Yet, there is another inclination that tells us that is okay to lie sometimes. For instance, the universal test: 'Honey, do I look fat in this?' Let's not get into the hidden machinations of that situation though, whether they were meant to be there or not. Instead, we will take a common office setting. 'Hey, did you send that letter to accounting?' 'Umm, yup.' However, it was not, so when the asker leaves, the letter is hurriedly sent. No one ever finds out and no repercussions ever surface. No harm is done to anyone. I propose that lying is much like many other things in that moderation is needed. And no, I am no way condoning lies that hurt or affect anyone negatively. Of course, the above person was just saving their butt at the time, but I think we instinctively lie quite often to protect others and to shape up the world a little bit at a time. I am a very accomplished liar. Yes, I just said that. How then, can I be known as being honest? I would say it is because I almost never tell a lie that would hurt another and absolutely not for personal gain. If not for these reasons, why then, do I tell lies multiple times in a day? Only to protect others and to make this earth a little bit happier place.

The Future is Ours

 The future is ours.

So back off

Old fogeys,

You’re left in the dust.

We are sending out the old.

Bringing in the new.

 

You say we

Have bad ideas,

And silly and unrealistic notions.

 

You say we

do stupid things,

And never think things through.

 

But take a look around,

And see where you got us.

 

Change

You can stand

You can fight

Against the world.

Teachers, students

Enemies, Friends.

 

You can fight against

What cannot be stopped,

And not accept

The change.

 

But no matter,

Whatever you do,

You cannot stop change.

It’s going to happen anyway.

 

But what you can do,

Is whether you let

The changing world

Change you.

Look Back Down

When he was small,

Just in first grade,

He saw a bully

Picking on another,

But he looked back down.

 

Later on in life,

Throughout his school years,

Every time he saw the trash

Falling from their hands,

He looked back down.

 

During an important test,

He watched the two of them

Conniving together,

Cheating their way through,

But he looked back down.

 

For who or what will we stand?

How much has to be at stake?

Each time we do it,

It gets easier

To just look back down.

English Teachers: and Their Silly Assignments

High school English teachers are the bane of smart children. They are the masters of doling out enormous quantities of busy work. Completely unnecessary, for some of us at least. Here we get to how public schools are so incredibly inefficient. And also how when we are not leaving that one kid behind who doesn't speak English and doesn't care about school, I would rather not be thrown under the bus everyday of school for my entire life. Yes, let's not get into that. So, even though I was in college level courses this past year, (or at least it was supposed to be English 101 and 102) I still did more busy work and colored more things with crayons than I have since 3rd grade. Anyway, I did learn to write much better which is the point of the class, but I will always resent busy work and those who give it. Here was one of those silly assignments that I hate which in the end turned out to be quite meaningful and helped me to understand myself better.

To care or not to care-that is the question:

Whether ‘tis simpler in the end to endure

The curves and switchbacks of having emotion,

Or to altercate with all of the people

And, plainly put, afflict them.

To wall, to block,

Feeling

-and by barricading emotion end

The distress and the thousand apprehensions

That everyone has

-that is a road

I have walked down before.

To barricade, to feel,

Nothing at all.

Yes, that’s the problem,

For without any of the bad feelings,

That everyone normally has,

We can have no good.

There’s the value

That makes the tangle of life worth living.

What kind of a person would endure all;

The misplaced blame, the stinging remarks,

The hurt of rejection, every injustice,

The contempt of those who don’t understand,

That all channel together to hurt,

When I do it to myself

Without any help?

Who would care a whit,

To cry and groan over painful emotions,

Unless the joys of brighter feelings,

Far outweighed each and every one

Of the aches, or afflictions

So that each of us would accept

Having both ends of the deal?

Thus we see emotion is definitely worth it.

And even though I could easily

Exist without the world of feelings

I could never have great satisfaction

Or experience the feelings of

Love and happiness.