Direction

Until I graduated from high school, generally my life was laid out neatly in front of me. Sure, I chose what to do with my free time, be it sports, music, studying and the like, but the major decisions were all but decided for me. I moseyed my way through school, learned what they wanted me to and an amount many times that by myself (....oh public school....),  pursued my interests, and had the time of my life every day.  Then it happened. I graduated. Whoop-dee-doo.
Literally, it was nothing. The requirements are ridiculously simplistic. There is so little that we are expected to learn. I've come to realize that I could have gotten my GED before ninth grade and if I had been challenged even lightly to do more during my childhood (instead of the opposite of that which I did receive), I likely could have gotten it before 6th grade or even earlier if I was pushed. (The above contains the major reasons why my children will be homeschooled or have private tutors.)  So much emphasis is placed on that little piece of paper. The world cannot possibly move this slow. And yet it does. :\ Moving on, literally graduation was nothing. Symbolically, it signified complete freedom. The world is mine. I really can do ANYTHING that I care to pursue.
It's this incredible lack of direction from any source that leaves me floundering. Without a love of music and the fact that I KNOW that I have to make music (a passion uncovered mainly due to one Mr. Jeff Harris) I may have curled up and died from overstimulation.... Hahaha. As it were, I just spent most of this past summer curled up around my piano.... :) Nothing has really changed since then except for my perspective. I seek what gives me joy. I let that joy fill me, my life, and hopefully those around me. I have my eyes on what I want and I imagine that I have it. That keeps me going no matter what. I don't let myself doubt, but rather just keep a smile on my face. It's lovely. :D Eventually I'll get there. But, it doesn't matter how long it takes because I thouroughly enjoy every single step of the journey.

My Silly Notions

I grew up wanting only one thing: to please other people. I would sacrifice anything when I was a child for someone else. I didn't know that was extreme. I didn't know I didn't have to drop everything and instantly comply with every request. I didn't know I could say no. For most of my childhood, I thought everyone was the same as me. Imagine if it was so. What a world we would have.
For some reason, I come to the same conclusion periodically in my life. I have this silly reoccurring notion that everyone is the same as I am. And I expect them to act accordingly. But just as often as I come to this conclusion, my world gets shaken quite heavily when I realize it's not true. And it's painful.
You see, I have never felt that anyone I have ever known is more intelligent than I am. Very few would make the list of equaling or even approaching. The case is very similar concerning talent also. Anything I try, I pick up very quickly and develop at a much greater speed than others. I often wonder why I am gifted with such talent and intelligence, but that hurts if I analyze it too long. I hate to talk about myself because it always makes me feel cocky, even this does; but I really needed to make a shout out somewhere. Even if it was only in this remote little place.
The world frustrates me to no end, as people are so incredibly stupid. I wonder how some of them I see survive. Then, I realize they subsist on government money; that is why our entitlements are enormous. Stupid people guaranteeing votes for a guarantee of a lifestyle. It's a terrible one at that. With the number of registered voters who receive government money nearing 50%, we are basically screwed. We know the greatest factor in voter decisions is the pocket, but here is the manifestation of it. When a majority is just going to vote for the person who promises them the most money, *cough* *cough* Obama *cough* I would call that tyranny of the majority. It's just as ridiculous as voting yourself a paycheck. Oh wait. That's what Congress and a huge chunk of voters are already doing. The best proposal I have heard to counter this is to revoke the right to vote from anyone who receives government aid. It's actually quite brilliant. Continuing, I still cannot understand how someone can think that increasing your spending, and your deficit, and your debt will somehow get rid of debt. No one has ever given me a good answer.
How about we give everyone a printing press and just let them print the money they need? Great idea, right? 60% of people think it is. Absolutely ludicrous. Yet, that is exactly what the government does. Ridiculous.

English Teachers: and Their Silly Assignments

High school English teachers are the bane of smart children. They are the masters of doling out enormous quantities of busy work. Completely unnecessary, for some of us at least. Here we get to how public schools are so incredibly inefficient. And also how when we are not leaving that one kid behind who doesn't speak English and doesn't care about school, I would rather not be thrown under the bus everyday of school for my entire life. Yes, let's not get into that. So, even though I was in college level courses this past year, (or at least it was supposed to be English 101 and 102) I still did more busy work and colored more things with crayons than I have since 3rd grade. Anyway, I did learn to write much better which is the point of the class, but I will always resent busy work and those who give it. Here was one of those silly assignments that I hate which in the end turned out to be quite meaningful and helped me to understand myself better.

To care or not to care-that is the question:

Whether ‘tis simpler in the end to endure

The curves and switchbacks of having emotion,

Or to altercate with all of the people

And, plainly put, afflict them.

To wall, to block,

Feeling

-and by barricading emotion end

The distress and the thousand apprehensions

That everyone has

-that is a road

I have walked down before.

To barricade, to feel,

Nothing at all.

Yes, that’s the problem,

For without any of the bad feelings,

That everyone normally has,

We can have no good.

There’s the value

That makes the tangle of life worth living.

What kind of a person would endure all;

The misplaced blame, the stinging remarks,

The hurt of rejection, every injustice,

The contempt of those who don’t understand,

That all channel together to hurt,

When I do it to myself

Without any help?

Who would care a whit,

To cry and groan over painful emotions,

Unless the joys of brighter feelings,

Far outweighed each and every one

Of the aches, or afflictions

So that each of us would accept

Having both ends of the deal?

Thus we see emotion is definitely worth it.

And even though I could easily

Exist without the world of feelings

I could never have great satisfaction

Or experience the feelings of

Love and happiness.